Sugar daddies and a micro dick

And learning to love my bits

I’m being messaged by Sugar Daddies on TikTok, which both disgusts and delights me in equal measure. One called me “beautiful angel” and another said that he couldn’t take his “eyes off my profile”.

I’d say it was this one that got his juices flowing (TikTok)

The fact that I’m a 45-year-old woman and they’re asking if I’d like to be “spoiled” cracks me up. Have they even looked at my videos? I’m the same age as them (or their fake photos). They’d be spoiling me if they listened to me complain for an hour about my creaky knees and dodgy pelvic floor, that’d be nice.

One such Daddy messaged to ask what I’d do with three thousand dollars. A fair question but his suggestions were standard, a vacation, a car, pay bills. Boring boring boring.

What I really wanted to know was would he pay to fix my belly button? Since having kids, it has popped out like a doorbell. I asked the GP about it and she confirmed it’s a hernia and not a “micro dick” as I was calling it. It doesn’t hurt, but it is noticeable through t-shirts and dresses. And call me horrifically vain, but I’d rather not have a tiny little erection bulging out of my stomach if I can help it.

The fix is a minor procedure, a quick snip, pull and stitch and it’s done. But, it costs…wait for it…three thousand dollars. So what are the odds that a man with exactly that amount of disposable income would slide into my DMs and ask how I’d spend it? It felt like destiny.

“Any beautiful angels need their dicks removed? I got ya”

But, seeing as “Remove micro dick” wasn’t on his list, I wondered whether instead of paying for my castration, he’d contribute something towards a family skiing holiday for me, the husband and kids? I’d send him photos of me on the slopes, my little dick peeking through my ski suit. He’d love it.

Of course I never replied because who knows who these freaks really are. And maybe I should just accept my body as it is and admire what it’s been through. I’ve birthed three healthy kids and my protruding belly button is like motherhood’s stamp of approval.

So thanks Daddies but no thanks, this beautiful angel with the small penis is paving her own way. Move along.